Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
