my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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