Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
