Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
