note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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