i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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