he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
