You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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