Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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