we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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