If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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