Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize