Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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