Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
