I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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