Someone shit on the floor
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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