the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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