I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
