I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
