my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize