You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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