i think my tv is drunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
