Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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