so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
