You can't special order awesome
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
