I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
