I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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