I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
