Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
