I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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