oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
