Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
