Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
