I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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