My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
