my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was CRYING into my vagina
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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