I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
