This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
