I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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