i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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