And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dear god my vagina.
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