walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
