I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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