I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
