I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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