Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
