naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
