I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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