i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
