no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
