Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
