i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
