Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
