we're blogging at a bar
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
