Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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