She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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