Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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