I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
