You're my little dorito
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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