Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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