PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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