so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
