i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize