Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
