There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
