God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I see more hoeing in ur future
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