I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
