he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
