I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
