I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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