I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
