I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
