Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize